My Pregnancy + The Birth Story of Lennox Sol
I will start with a little back story on my pregnancy and thought process. I debated what approach I wanted to take for pregnancy and birth support until I was 14 weeks pregnant, and even when I decided remembering that at any point in time I could change the “plan” if I felt called to do so. But 14 weeks is whenever I spoke aloud that I would birth freely, 100% in my own autonomy in the comfort of my home with my husband and a dear sister as my birth keeper. I decided I would navigate pregnancy wildly, listening to my body and utilizing trusted resources to care for my body deeply throughout the days to come. I decided I would be taking full responsibility.
At 20 weeks I saw a midwife in the community to ease my wandering thoughts regarding the typical 20-week scan and testing and felt much more at ease. At 27 weeks I went and had an ultrasound. My heart needed to see my baby and it felt so nice.
Ultimately- as much as I wanted to plan and prepare for birth I knew deep down that whatever I needed to experience to make my final transition to motherhood, is at the end of the day, how my birth would unfold.
However, I still read the books! I listened to so many podcasts, watched birth videos online, sat in circle with other women at village prenatals and attended prenatal yoga classes to prepare. I hounded my husband wanting him to be prepared as well. I still worried at times throughout my pregnancy (typically at times when the system requires an “important” check or test to be conducted). Was I making the right choice, was my baby safe, are we healthy? Of course I wondered and worried, I am still a human being!! BUT, I always came back to sitting with my baby and listening to my body.
Based on conception (i know my exact date), my estimated due date was December 9th. I rarely told anyone this date in order to protect my pregnancy and birth space, as I was prepared to birth upwards of 42 weeks with this being my first pregnancy.
At 39 weeks pregnant my waters opened after using the bathroom at 6am. I could feel my baby lower in my pelvis, and had been advised around 37 weeks by both my chiro and pelvic floor pt that baby seemed to be engaged. This was it, I thought, my water opened (not how my birth vision indicated labor to begin) and I would have a baby within 48 hours because that is what we know.
Going back to believing we receive what we need from pregnancy and birth to traverse motherhood… at 39 weeks my husband and I were stressed and having minimal opportunities for connection, but this was it we would soon be parents. After 48 hours passed and there were no signs of labor progressing we were only on the timeline of our baby. Our evenings became slow and allowed us time to be together. HELLO OXYTOCIN BOOSTS!
To this day I know that time was a gift from our sweet son; a wake up call to put our pride aside and level up for parenthood.
The first week passed and no signs prevailed. My mind wandered. I connected with several wise women in the birth community seeking guidance and was met with reassurance that this is very well a variation of normal. They advised ways to continue monitoring safety and to take care of my own mental health reminding me to continue allowing baby to navigate their journey earth side.
Throughout week 39 and 40 my waters continued to flow… I never knew there could be so much amniotic fluid! By 40+6 I was feeling pretty emotional and really anxious to meet my baby. I took the day to spend time with two of my best friends and take my mind off of things. My entire pregnancy I was SURE I would give birth either Friday the 13th or on the last full moon of the year, December 15th.
After a day out and about I came home and fell asleep on the couch. Around 11pm I woke up to get in bed and felt what I thought was a belly ache. At 1 a.m. I tossed and turned feeling the ache. By 2:15 a.m. I was wide awake and immediately knew I was in the early parts of my labor and made myself get up to eat a snack... just in time to catch the full illumination of the moon at 3:05 a.m. I stood outside under the moonlight, breathing in the crisp winter air, and invited my baby to come home.
I waddled to the bathroom where i had my birth alter arranged, put in my headphones to my birth playlist and began to move my body. Sensations were slow to start allowing me to find my groove and mentally tap in. Four o’clock came and I ran a bath, continuing to listen to the call to go deeper.
Just before five I text my birth keeper letting her know things were slowly moving along. By 5:30a.m. I noticed another shift and we decided it was best she make her way to me. I woke my husband. I was ready to be witnessed and supported.
Sensations continued. From 6:30 a.m to 8 a.m my body language and verbal cues signaled to my husband we were headed in the direction of meeting our baby sooner than later. Beside our bed I labored. And then into the shower with my birth ball.
I was in my labor dance, twirling with my little one and working together as a team. This is what I envisioned when I pictured my birth. I never locked down where I would birth, but that what mattered most was staying in connection with my womb.
After my time in the shower I was in need of rest. As I work my way to lay in bed I get a whiff of something horrid… my husband was preparing breakfast (so thoughtfully) and it was BACON!!! I gagged. A thoughtful gesture however we now know we do not cook bacon during labor… now a very laughable moment!
I’m lying in bed and my body completely starts to take over. I receive periods of rest where I am able to doze off to then be awoken by my baby strongly working their way through my pelvis. It feels like I have no control over my body. I tapped into my breath and moaned deeply affirming myself it is temporary and I would soon be meeting my baby. My birth keeper and husband held space and also provided physical comforts.
After side-lying on both sides and enjoying the rest I had in immediate urge to stand and strong desire to get into the birth pool. I squat next to my bed and felt between my legs… I could feel the top of my baby’s head emerging!
At 10:45 a.m I made my way to the pool. INSTANT RELIEF. So warm and comforting to my body like a big bear hug. The entire time my birth playlist played from my bathroom. I could faintly hear the music as I experienced a few contractions in the pool.
A part of me was waiting for someone to tell me to push. My mind being so indoctrinated to that being how birth unfolded. When I recognized that I gave myself permission to push and not resist the surges. In the pool I could not get grounded on my back and rotated to hands and knees. After 3 or 4 pushes I knew the next one would be when my baby was born.
The next surge came. I pushed. My baby’s head was born! What an indescribable feeling to have the head of your baby emerged under water, between two worlds. And with one final push my baby was born at 11:16 a.m.
BUT IT ISN’T OVER. Birth includes the placenta and I held my baby, quietly welcoming him while inviting the first mother to emerge. I birthed the placenta in the pool about 15 minutes after my baby.
My birth was straight forward. It unfolded how undisturbed birth will. Just another day bringing life earth side. Trusting my innate ability to do so and leaning in to the wisdom of those before me.
It is my first several hours postpartum that presented another unexpected variation of normal.
After the placenta, we laid in bed as a family for a little more than an hour. Recognizing I needed to relieve my bladder I start to get out of bed slowly when I passed out back on to the bed. After I sat back up I took it slow trying to stand again. It was at that time I lost a few blood clots and fell to the floor, passed out again.
My birth keeper and husband began to tend to me, my son safely in our bed. I came to over hearing a call with emergency services that they were in route. I 100% believe when medical help is needed we invite it. After establishing it was probably a combination of blood loss and birth, and that all of my vitals were normal, I transferred to our local hospital to have blood work done.
My husband and son met me there. We established my levels were a low from the loss and I decided to stay over night to ensure all was well. Fortunately the medical staff and doctor were very welcoming and respectful of me and my decisions. We discussed options for care, none of which were emergent. After concluding my bladder was likely the culprit and preventing my uterus to clamp down completely I requested a catheter. Within an hour there was a huge shift and things settled down.
The nursing staff accommodated everything I requested to be as comfortable as possible with my new baby. After eating a nourishing meal and getting some solid rest we discharged the next morning.
In processing my pregnancy and birth I have some take aways:
Waters can safely be open for weeks
I don’t need my choices to fit into anyone else’s narrative
Birth is 90% mental- my body will guide me to do what it needs to do to birth a baby
My postpartum situation could happen anywhere birth happens
I had not eaten anything substantial and was likely depleted and experiencing shock from birth
My postpartum situation highlighted emotionally things in my immediate family dynamic that have provided the opportunity for expansion for my husband and I
I missed some important bonding time with my son and will continue to grieve that
I do truly trust my body to heal itself with the proper support
Pregnancy and birth connected me to my body more deeply than ever before
I wouldn’t change a thing about my story
